Ep. 63/ What to do when your brain is trying to sabotage your relationship
So, how many times have you been in a healthy relationship but sabotaged it out of fear?
“Thinking of you keeps me awake. Dreaming of you keeps me asleep. Being with you keeps me alive.” – Unknown
Have you ever found yourself in a budding relationship that felt almost too good to be true? You know the feeling—the butterflies in your stomach, the laughter, and the deep connection that seem to defy all logic. But then, as if on cue, your mind starts churning out doubts and insecurities. "Is this too good to be true? When will the other shoe drop? Is there something wrong that I'm not seeing?"
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Tracy found herself in a similar situation while spending time in Mexico City with her new boyfriend. Before leaving for her trip, she had started to second-guess the relationship, fabricating negative thoughts and doubts about her partner. She began questioning his career and whether he was genuinely as wonderful as he appeared to be. It's a common scenario when we fear that happiness is too good to last.
The three-month mark in relationships is often cited as the point where things change, where the honeymoon phase ends, and people start revealing their true colors. It's a belief deeply ingrained in many of us, but one we should challenge. Tracy's journey provides valuable insights into how we can prevent ourselves from sabotaging promising relationships, especially when we're tempted to invent problems where there aren't any.
During a heart-to-heart conversation before her trip, I confronted Tracy's doubts. I asked her, "Are these concerns genuine issues, or are you searching for problems because this relationship feels too perfect?" It was a crucial question because often, our minds create obstacles out of fear, pushing away the happiness we've longed for.
Tracy's moment of clarity came while watching a TV show. She saw a scene that reminded her of her boyfriend, and it struck her like a lightning bolt: "He really is everything I've been looking for." She realized that her mind had been actively trying to sabotage her happiness by conjuring problems that weren't real.
This phenomenon can be explained through the concept of the "upper limit theory," introduced in the book "The Big Leap." It posits that we sabotage good things in our lives because deep down, we feel unworthy of them or fear that they are too good to last. Our minds subconsciously strive to keep us in our comfort zone, even if it means sabotaging our own happiness.
How often have you pushed away someone wonderful because your past experiences conditioned you to believe that happiness is fleeting?
Here's the lesson: Take time to sit with your emotions and process your thoughts instead of automatically assuming that every negative thought your mind conjures is true. Tracy's story shows that appreciation can be a powerful antidote to negative thinking. When you genuinely appreciate the qualities and moments that make a relationship special, it elevates your perspective and raises your vibrational frequency.
However, it's essential to distinguish between negative thoughts that stem from past trauma and real issues in the relationship. Tracy's experience also highlights the importance of reciprocation. In a healthy relationship, your appreciation should be met with appreciation in return. If your efforts to appreciate and nurture the relationship go unreciprocated, that's a red flag that shouldn't be ignored.
In conclusion, Tracy's journey reminds us of the importance of recognizing and challenging our own patterns of self-sabotage in relationships. Appreciation can be a potent tool for transforming negative thinking and embracing the happiness we deserve. Remember that you are worthy of love and happiness, and it's crucial not to let fear and past experiences prevent you from experiencing the joy of a fulfilling relationship.
Before I sign off, don't forget to mark your calendar for the "Let the Masculine Lead Challenge" starting on September 18th and running through the 22nd. You can sign up for this free, psychology-based workshop at feminineenergychallenge.com. Plus, stay tuned for a special offer on my one-on-one coaching services, designed to help you attract aligned love and partnership into your life.
Thank you for tuning in to this episode of the Tacos and Tattoos podcast. Until next time, keep breaking those self-sabotaging patterns and embracing the love and happiness you truly deserve.
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**This post is based on personal experiences and observations and should not substitute professional counseling or therapy. If you're facing significant emotional distress, consider seeking guidance from a licensed mental health professional.