Ep. 62/ If you don’t say NO you are telling the Universe Yes
As you practice the art of choice and assertiveness, you'll discover that life becomes a journey of continuous improvement and alignment
“Love is so short, forgetting is so long.” – Pablo Neruda
You see, growing up, many of us feel like we have little control over the people who enter our lives. We are subject to our parents' choices, surrounded by their friends, and placed in school environments where classmates are not of our choosing. It's not until we venture out into the world on our own that we begin to realize the power of choice – the ability to decide who we date, befriend, or even share a living space with.
My counselor's words transformed my perspective on relationships and life itself.
I vividly recall expressing my concern to him, worrying that the next person I dated might be worse than the one I was with at the time. To my surprise, he responded with a simple yet life-altering statement: "Why would he be worse? You get to choose who you allow into your life." These words struck me like a lightning bolt.
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However, the concept of choice didn't fully resonate with me initially. I was accustomed to accepting anyone who seemed nice, showed interest, or offered something as simple as a kind gesture or a drink. My lack of understanding stemmed from a lack of psychological awareness. But over the years, through dating and evolving my friend circles, I began to grasp the profound implications of choice in relationships.
For someone with an anxious attachment style, who had never experienced genuine love and who was accustomed to being let down by those around her, the concept of choice was both liberating and challenging. I had to confront my deeply rooted fear that there might not be anyone better out there for me.
The journey to embracing choice and believing that there are better people and relationships out there is not without its discomforts. It involves stepping outside your comfort zone, mingling with new circles, and, at times, feeling like you don't belong. Even in new and healthier relationships, there might be moments when you doubt your worthiness of the love you're receiving.
So, if you find yourself doubting your ability to choose and create better relationships, here's a valuable lesson: Become proficient at walking away from things that no longer serve you. Use your voice to assertively say, "No, I don't choose this." Walking away is the most empowering thing you can do because it clears space for the universe to fill with something new and better.
It's essential to remember that when you walk away from a relationship, job, friendship, or living situation that isn't aligned with your growth and happiness, you open the door for the universe to bring you something more in tune with your highest self. In fact, it's nearly impossible to step into a relationship that's less emotionally available or more abusive than the one before because you're consciously choosing progress and alignment.
Embrace the idea that every "no" you confidently pronounce is an invitation to the universe to deliver something better. The universe is continually presenting opportunities for growth and love. Still, it's your responsibility to utilize your voice and choose the path that aligns with your values and aspirations.
Whether you're in the midst of a relationship, forging new connections, or navigating different aspects of your life, remember this: You have the power to choose, and your choices shape the world around you. Trust in your ability to say "no" when something doesn't serve you and open your heart to the belief that something better is always on the horizon.
In conclusion, the power of choice is a profound force that shapes the quality of our relationships and life experiences. Embrace it, wield it, and watch as your life transforms into a beautiful tapestry of love, growth, and fulfillment. Your journey toward empowerment begins with a single word: "choose."
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**This post is based on personal experiences and observations and should not substitute professional counseling or therapy. If you're facing significant emotional distress, consider seeking guidance from a licensed mental health professional.