Ep. 61/ Relationships die by 1000 tiny cuts
When you share and respect each other's values, you create a solid framework for trust, communication, and mutual growth
“Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.” – James Baldwin
Imagine this: In 2019, I was embarking on my digital marketing journey, running a podcast called "The Resell Revolution," creating the "Cash to Clutter Academy" course, managing my own vintage resale store, and exploring real estate opportunities. My living space was a cozy 300-square-foot studio apartment that my mom had helped remodel into a functional living space. At that time, my boyfriend shared this space with me, and he had his own set of talents as a handyman.
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The issue arose when I needed a dedicated space to record my daily podcast episodes, as my boyfriend was occupying our studio. He promised to build a small office space for me in our storeroom, knowing how essential it was for my work and personal growth. I trusted his word, and the idea of having a dedicated office excited me immensely. However, it turned out to be a pivotal moment in our relationship.
While I was away attending a marketing event in California, my boyfriend assured me that he would finish framing the office and handle the electrical work. I eagerly anticipated coming back to see my newly created workspace. But when I returned, I was met with disappointment—nothing had been done. It felt like a breach of trust, and I struggled to understand why he hadn't followed through.
This experience illuminated a crucial aspect of relationships: shared values. In a healthy partnership, both individuals should respect and prioritize each other's values. My desire for a dedicated office space was a reflection of my value of commitment to personal and professional growth. However, my boyfriend's actions conveyed that this value wasn't as significant to him.
The consequences of this misalignment became apparent in our relationship. Trust eroded, communication dwindled, and respect diminished. Relationships, more often than not, crumble due to a series of small disappointments rather than a single catastrophic event. In our case, it was a gradual erosion of trust caused by unmet promises.
What can we learn from this story?
1. Know Your Values
Understanding your values is the first step in building a healthy relationship. When you are clear about what truly matters to you, you can seek a partner who shares those values.
2. Live in Alignment
It's essential to live in alignment with your values. If you value honesty, be truthful in all aspects of your life, including your commitments to yourself and your partner.
3. Communication is Key
Open and honest communication is the lifeblood of any relationship. If you feel that your values are not being honored or if your partner is not meeting your expectations, express your concerns calmly and constructively.
4. Respect Each Other's Values
In a successful partnership, both individuals respect and appreciate each other's values. Recognize that your partner's values may differ from yours, and find ways to support each other's growth and happiness.
In conclusion, your values are the foundation of your relationships. Remember that a healthy partnership is built on a foundation of trust and alignment, not on unmet promises and disappointments.
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**This post is based on personal experiences and observations and should not substitute professional counseling or therapy. If you're facing significant emotional distress, consider seeking guidance from a licensed mental health professional.